


I Just Want You To Know Who I Am

by Prismatic_Heretic



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Worship, Kissing, Love, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 10:24:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17744156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prismatic_Heretic/pseuds/Prismatic_Heretic
Summary: This is based off of the ending of epskdoe 102 where Michael and Alex got together. This is what my mind conjured up and I would like to have imagined that happened."The last thing that I ever want to change is the way that you look at me."





	I Just Want You To Know Who I Am

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to @AtrophicGalaxy for being the goddess that she is and betaing this for me. If you haven't checked out her fics you totally should!

The air between the two of them was so charged Alex was sure he felt a current of electricity spread through his entire being as his hands tugged at Michael's soft curls and their lips crashed together. The kiss started out with such an intensity it seemed like both of their lives depended on it. As if one of them were to break it the other one would disappear again. Michael pushed his body closer against Alex's at that thought.

It had already been ten long years and he didn't want the man underneath his fingertips to ever vanish again. That was ten years too many of unspoken words that needed to be said and of nights that were just as long as they were lonely. They were both trying to make up for every second of the past decade in that moment just as they had done when they first kissed at The Wild Pony. That kiss offered an apology while this one presented forgiveness and reprieve.

Michael slowly tilted his head up and stepped back to admire Alex's flushed lips and blown pupils. They were both panting and trembling as they stood there staring at each other. Alex's amber eyes begged for permission but his hands were hesitant. Fear from being completely exposed coiled in his stomach and tried to outweigh lust. 

Alex hastily shrugged off his jacket in response and Michael's hands traced right above his pectorals before gently but firmly shoving him onto the small mattress behind them. Alex bounced slightly landing on his back and they both held a collective breath while their gaze met again. Were they going to go through with this? Give in to love and the passion that they craved even if it might leave them shattered in the end? Then again in that moment they were both shattered in their own ways and in need of mending. Ten goddamn years’ worth of mending to be exact.

Alex's hand fumbled with the button of his pants before Michael let out a shuddering breath and removed his shirt tossing it behind him carelessly. He only had to take one stride to close the distance between them before he straddled Alex's lap and leaned down to capture his lips in another kiss. Alex gave up on unbuttoning his pants so he could rake his hands through Michael's hair, fingertips scraping against his scalp deliciously. Michael shuddered at the sensation that he didn’t realize he had missed and let out an involuntary whimper.

He ground his hips against Alex’s in one fluid movement as desire blurred his train of thought and overcame the worry that was threatening to consume him earlier. All that mattered right now was them and the fingertips upon skin reigniting memories while simultaneously creating new ones.

Alex's hips mirrored Michael's and he moved forward to press a hungry kiss to his chest and sighed contentedly at the sensation of the soft hair brushing against his lips. He'd missed this. He'd missed him. Slowly he began mapping out his chest with tender kisses until he made his way to his right nipple. He tried not to smirk as his tongue circled around the areola and drew a desperate moan from the brunette above him.

Some things never change and he felt a small amount of pride in knowing that the tactics he used and places on Michael's body that could turn him into a panting pleasure filled mess were the same.

"Its not fair," Michael managed while Alex continued teasing him mercilessly with his tongue.

"Hmm?" He sighed in the form of a question as he bit down gently on the soft flesh that was slowly hardening beneath his teeth. 

"That I'm not wearing a shirt and you still are," Michael replied lowly as he stroked his hand down Alex's arm and tugged at the bottom of his shirt. Alex felt his cheeks grow warm as a blush spread across them at the request and the husky tone it was spoken in. He nodded and started to prop himself up on his elbows when Michael sat back and his arms encircled his back. He drew him in close and buried his face in the crook of Alex's neck.

He nuzzled it and wished that instead of having the ability to move objects with his mind he could be able to freeze time so he could stay just like this for as long as he wanted. He also longed for the ability to turn back time to delve back into moments like this because sometimes memories cracked and faded or paled in comparison to the actual moment.

He knew that if he had that power it would turn into a habit he'd overuse. He'd revel in Alex's scent, warmth, and the way his pulse raced beneath his lips as he traced his tongue over it. He'd rewind this moment over and over just to feel safe, trusted, and unconditionally loved. Alex was the first person in his life he ever allowed to see all but one piece of him and in return he wasn't met with the harsh taste of judgement.

Most romance novels and movies focus on lust (and without a doubt there was plenty of that shared between them) but never put enough emphasis on feeling safe. Alex was one of the first and very few people in his life that taught him feeling safe was a thing to cherish.

Michael felt Alex wriggle in his arms and he realized his breathing had began to speed up. He felt slightly embarrassed because he didn't realize how long he had spent lost in thought but apparently enough time had passed to make Alex curious.

"You were so eager to have me shirtless a few minutes ago, Guerin," Alex whispered hoarsely. "If you want to stop we can, just tell me."

Michael was taken aback by the bitterness in his tone and he felt the man's back muscles stiffen.

"Oh, I still want you shirtless I was just-"

"Just what, Guerin?" Alex interrupted him. The question was whispered but it wasn't asked softly enough for Michael not to notice the hurt in his voice. 

He let Alex go and sat up straighter looking at him in utter confusion. Alex pushed away from him slowly and practically deflated into the mattress. His soft brown eyes were full of hurt and bitterness as they stared at the ceiling.

"Alex?" Michael questioned slightly panicked. His stomach dropped as he watched Alex's expression turn to stone and he refused to acknowledge or look at him.

Michael slid off of his lap and sat on the edge of the bed and put his face in his hands. He shut his eyes and rubbed them briefly before turning towards Alex. This was it. The rejection that he was trying so hard not to expect. He'd crossed the line and he didn't know how to fix it.

"I'm sorry, Manes," Michael said tiredly.

"I thought that you wanted this, us, whatever we are. It was happening and I..."

 

"I do want this. I do want you. I just thought..." Alex's voice trailed off and he sighed heavily.

That answer caught Michael's attention and he shifted so that he was sitting sideways on the bed bending his knee as he turned. Alex's right arm was flung across his face as if he were trying to hide and the small part of it that wasn't covered was tinted pink. His bottom lip was sucked in between his teeth and his whole demeanor seemed stiff as the pace of his breathing slowed. He was no longer panting with excitement, instead his ribcage shuddered as he tried to take slow self soothing breaths. He inhaled through his nose and slowly exhaled through his mouth in an attempt to stop his racing thoughts and heartbeat.

Michael tentatively reached out and laid his hand on Alex's arm and waited for a moment. When he didn't flinch or roll away from him Michael scooted closer towards him. He soothed his hand down his arm before crawling into the bed and stretching out on his side to the left of him. He yearned to understand what was wrong so that he could comfort him and berated himself for jumping to assumptions out of fear of rejection.

"What's wrong? I know there's something up... well except for us now," Michael teased. His sense of humor always made Alex react to him in some sort of way whether it was by rolling his eyes or snorting and he was hoping it would ease the tenseness of the situation. Just as he expected Alex let out a small huff and shook his head. He reluctantly let his arm drop to his chest and let out a long breath he didn't even realize that he was holding.

Michael felt his heart drop when he saw that Alex's soft brown eyes shone with unshed tears. Out of instinct he reached out and brushed the pad of his thumb across his delicate cheekbone. Alex leaned into his touch before rolling onto his side and finally willed himself to look at Michael. He'd been in many dangerous situations while serving in the military that had threatened his life but they all paled in comparison to the fear and vulnerability that he felt in this moment.

"A lot of things have changed in the past ten years, Guerin," he began. “I can deal with most of them just fine,” he said, casting his gaze downward. He steeled himself to tell the truth because he knew in the end no matter what the outcome was at least he’d been truthful and he could grit his teeth and learn to live with the outcome. He tilted his head towards Michael and glanced at him before whispering, “The way I feel about you and our attraction to each other hasn’t… but what if it does when you see my leg?" His heart felt like it was about to hammer and chisel its way out of his chest and he took in a deep breath before locking eyes with Michael.

“The last thing that I ever want to change is how you look at me," Alex whispered when he finally found his voice. 

Michael was overcome with so much emotion that he had to collect himself before he said anything otherwise every object in his trailer would levitate and swirl and crash. He was trying to balance sadness over Alex feeling self-conscious about himself because everything about him was nothing short of beautiful, as well anger at the thought of anyone making him feel less than. 

"Alex," Michael emphasized his name with the press of a soft kiss to his forehead. "Nothing about you or anything that you do could ever make me look at you differently. Even if it happened ten years ago or five minutes from now. You're still the boy that I didn't want to stop kissing that night at the museum and you're the man that I never want to stop kissing now."

He felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes as he spoke and he tried to blink them away quickly. He needed some way to prove to Alex that he was still irrevocably and completely in love with every single part of him and his initial thought was to sneak his hand up Alex's shirt and show him in the form of a vision. His heart began to race because then Alex would find out what or who he truly was. He'd have to try a different way first but wouldn't stop himself if it was the only way he could convince him he was still the love of his life. The first thing that stopped him from doing this was his instinct to hide who he truly was. He felt the need to hide for many reasons mainly out of endangering himself, Isobel and Max... but also the fear of Alex finding out that he was an alien and disappearing from his life forever held him back. He tried to swallow the feeling of guilt at the fact that Alex was being completely honest with him and he wasn't doing the same in return.

"I know what is like to be looked at differently and to disgust people," Michael said admitted while extending his once injured hand outward and closing his eyes. Alex saw it and immediately clasped it in both of his.

Wordlessly he ran his thumbs over the rough texture of scar tissue that covered most of his hand and laced itself around his fingers. He leaned down and placed tender kisses against each of his knuckles and reveled in the sensation of Michael's skin beneath him. His lips continued kissing every centimeter of his hand before placing one on his palm and holding his hand close to his chest. 

Michael's eyes were still shut and he looked calm and blissful. He finally opened them and drunk in Alex's face and the way his eyes danced with love and warmth and admiration.

"You're still looking at me the same way Alex," Michael breathed. "Now it's your turn to let me prove to you that my feelings will always remain the same... if you want to. If you don't I-" he was cut off by Alex grabbing his a fistful of his curls and pulling his face down to capture his lips in a desperate kiss.

This time the kiss was softer than their previous ones but none the less passionate. It was more deliberate soul searching and Michael responded to Alex eagerly. He broke away only so he could press kisses to each inch of the man's face starting from his forehead and working his way from one cheek to the next planting one even on his nose that made Alex's heart feel weak at the tenderness of the action. 

 

Michael kept traveling downward brushing his lips across his chin and neck stopping to nip at his collarbone. Alex let out a shuddering breath before sitting up slightly to pull his shirt off. He threw it to the side and Michael straddled his hips again. He waited for a moment to drink in the doe eyed boy beneath him. 

His hair was messy and sticking up in all directions but parts of his bangs stuck to his forehead. He was so beautiful that he seemed ethereal and Micheal found himself once again placing kisses on every inch of skin that was visible. 

He took his time and traced each of his arms with his fingertips discovering chiseled muscles that weren't there the last time they had been together. He shimmied down the bed to taste and lick at his chest and then his abs. He was hoping to restore warmth and love in each press of his lips hoping that those kisses would wash away any doubt or worry he'd ever felt. 

His tongue dipped into his belly button and Alex's hips bucked of their own accord in search of friction. 

 

"Almost there, baby," Michael chuckled as he started to unbutton his jeans with trembling fingers. He slid off of him only to have better access to unzip his pants and tug them off. After he did so he carefully removed Alex's prosthetic and rolled down his sock before placing them against the bed. He placed a few kisses above his groin before pulling off his underwear.

He tried to remove his own pants with as much grace as possible but he gave up the act halfway through when he almost fell face first against Alex. It was his turn to chuckle. 

"You alright, Guerin?" He asked looking up at him with crinkled eyes shining this time with laughter instead of tears.

"I will be," Michael muttered as he finally got his pants around his thighs and was able to kick them off behind him. His senses were on fire as he moved in between Alex's legs and knelt down to worship the rest of his body. 

He kissed the inside of Alex's inner thigh and savored the feeling of his warmth and scent. He tenderly kissed across the scar tissue the stitches had formed after they were removed. He imagined him in another country while in pain and most likely in need of comforting. Who was there for him when this happened? Who helped him while he healed and had he ever healed from it emotionally? He pushed those questions aside along with the one of asking him how it happened. 

Instead of panic rising in his chest Alex's heart fluttered and his body burned with desire. Michael always made him feel this way but now the passion was renewed with trust at the foundation of it.

 

Michael rose up and peppered kisses against Alex's shaft before taking him into his mouth and swirling his tounge around the head. Alex groaned at the sensation and haphazardly gripped at the pillows beside him.  
He sucked him in until his nose brushed against his pubic hair and began sucking him off relentlessly. He felt his own cock throb and he thrust against the mattress before he felt Alex's hand rest on the top of his head and pull at his hair.

Through hooded lids he looked up at him and saw that he was signaling him to stop and come closer to him. Michael released Alex's cock with an audible pop and let the hand on the top of his head guide him. Alex sat up while Michael straddled his hips and they were finally flush against each other.

Alex's hand wrapped around Michael's cock which he responded to by gasping and throwing his head back. He wrapped his hand around Alex and rested his forehead against his before their fists began to pump each other. Their precum served as lube and at first they were awkward and desperate at until the thrusting of their hips became synchronized in rhythm. 

It wasn't long before Alex whimpered and Michael felt his cock throb. 

"I'm close," Alex panted before sucking his earlobe between his teeth. 

"Michael!" He cried out in warning. The use of his first name was all it took to send Michael tipping over the edge as they released their passion and fell down and up and were submerged into breathtaking bliss. 

After they had come down from the high Michael drowsily left the bed in search of a washcloth. After finding one he made his way to the tiny bathroom and turned on the tap of the sink. He waited until the water ran warm before putting the cloth beneath it and wringing it out. 

He made his way back over to Alex and began to gingerly clean them both up. He crawled back in beside him and they kissed briefly. Just a play of lips dancing across the other's. Michael went to curl himself around Alex when he sat up and began searching for his underwear.

"You're not staying?" Michael tried to keep the hurt out of his voice as he watched Alex begin to cover his perfect body. 

"I've got to be at the base early tomorrow," Alex said shooting him a soft smile. 

"Always so responsible," Michael sighed as he laid back against the pillows and listened to the shuffle of Alex getting dressed. When he felt Alex stand up he began wracking his brain on what to say to him. He wouldn't ask him to stay but he needed confirmation that he'd see him again soon. 

Alex pressed a quick kiss to Michael's temple before walking to the door and turning back to stop and glance at him. He was obviously waiting on some sort of confirmation too. 

"What time do you have to be there?" Michael asked as nonchalantly as he could.

"Five?" Alex answered in the form of a question. 

"Want to meet up for some coffee before you go in?" 

Alex looked genuinely astounded at the answer and said, "Guerin you never get up that early."

He shrugged in response and winked at him. "I guess some things will never change but some things will if you want them to badly enough."


End file.
